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Sister
Elizabeth Marie Kalstheur
The Profound Inclination
I remember in the blur of those first days as a new
postulant the explanation given
by Sister Catherine Marie, “This is called the profound inclination,” as
she demonstrated with a deep bow. “We do it for every time we chant ‘Glory
be to the
Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit’ during the Divine Office
and Meal Prayers. Got that?” Her question came with a smile as we took in
every detail, eager to assimilate all things Dominican.
The profound inclination has certainly been a big part of my daily life in
these last nine months since that first introduction. Each time I make the
gesture, I am reminded of the choice I made to enter St. Cecilia, to make
of my entire life a profound inclination to God. Although it seems quite
natural now, my decision to become a Dominican Sister was the result of a
long and difficult journey. I learned that my own sometimes veiled
inclination toward God was put there by God Himself, whose most perfectly
profound inclination of Self on the Cross enabled my own gift of self to
God.
I was a religious child. I rarely complained about going to Mass on
Sunday. I was always the first to volunteer to do anything church related.
I even taught CCD and played piano for weekend Masses in high school. I
was regarded as religiously inclined, however, mixed into my system, was a
strain of non-conformism that took the contemporary understanding of
feminism as a model. I vividly remember adding extra notes to my piano
music for the Christmas carol “It Came upon a Midnight Clear,” in order to
fit in “and women” to the lyrics. I must have been nine or ten years old.
I found it to be highly unjust that women couldn’t be priests. I wondered
why the “hierarchy”, a word I usually uttered with a cynical sneer, didn’t
think women were good enough to be priests. In youthful confidence gone
awry, I considered any seeming limitation on my freedom to be a grave
injustice.
As high school came to a close, and I began college at the University of
St. Thomas in Minnesota. I chose the school specifically because it was
Catholic. My first year at St. Thomas was a tumultuous one. Still very
religious and yet a narrowly defined feminist, I was suddenly faced with
the idea that perhaps the two descriptors were mutually exclusive. My
majors were “Peace Studies” and “Catholic Studies” and my friends and
influences represented the broad spectrum of beliefs present in these two
majors. As I discovered more about the Catholic Church and more about the
politicized feminist ideology that I had always espoused, I began to
realize that the dichotomy between my religious sense and feminist
convictions was not sustainable. I had a choice to make. I could embrace
my Catholic faith whole-heartedly, even those teachings that hurt my
feminist pride, or I could devote my life to empty ideologies while
respecting selected tenets of the Catholic faith from afar.
Somehow, in the midst of this interior struggle, I decided to spend my
sophomore year of college studying in Rome at the Angelicum through the
Catholic Studies Program. Within a month of my arrival, God had melted my
heart, speaking to me through holy priests, professors, and classmates.
They testified, in word and deed, to the Truth that is Jesus Christ and
His Body the Church. I had made up my mind to be a committed Catholic, in
full embrace of all of the teachings of the Magisterium. I sought a truer
definition of the genius of woman and made my new goal to strive to live a
life on earth in preparation for the life of heaven. In effect, I found
true freedom and could finally begin to think seriously about the
possibility that God might be calling me to a religious vocation.
The concept of “discerning a vocation” was still pretty foreign to me, so,
with the help of my spiritual director, many friends, and the classes I
was taking at the Angelicum, I began to learn and live my newly discovered
Catholic faith. I focused on receiving the Sacraments faithfully,
especially Confession, and developing my own prayer life, particularly
through adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. As I matured in the Catholic
life in Rome and after I returned to college in the United States, I grew
in my desire to give myself over completely to God. I realized that God
himself had put in me all of my religious aspirations of childhood. He had
created me, and all human persons, with a natural inclination toward
goodness and truth, toward Himself. I discovered that Jesus was inviting
me to give myself to Him in a more radical and total way. I knew that I
could never repay Him for this infinitely merciful gift, but I could give
Him only myself, whole and entire, spirit, soul, and body. I could be a
sign to all people of the profound inclination that God is asking them to
make in all states of life by making that self offering with joy and
generosity. With such a disposition, I entered St. Cecilia Convent
on August 14, 2004 and, happily, I am preparing to receive the habit of
the Order.
I make the profound inclination many times a day here at the St. Cecilia
Motherhouse. I bow deeply - get a good look at my black Oxfords - and then
rise, in unison with at least one hundred other Sisters. It is a simple
act, that could become merely routine, but hopefully it will never be so
for me. May it always be instead a powerful reminder of my decision to
make of my very self a profound inclination to God, and to say in my every
thought, word, and deed, “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to
the Holy Spirit.”Sr. Elizabeth Marie professed her first vows on
August 10, 2006. |
